National Lampoon's Hawaiian Vacation
by Douglas Rothbury
Summary: The Griswolds are back... and they are going to turn the big island upside-down! Join Clark, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey as they go on yet another Griswold Family Vacation.


The Griswolds are practically your average salt-of-the-earth family, having a mother and a father, and two children. They have a very nice house in a crime-free suburban community. Clark, the father, has a job at a preservative company, his children, Rusty and Audrey, go to school nearby with average grades, and Clark's wife, Ellen, is an at-home housewife. They seem to be a normal family, but their vacations somehow always end up being the most abnormal thing you've ever set your eyes on. They went to Walley World (twice) and had a surreal drive to and fro, had a strange Christmas vacation (twice again), and went off the edge in Las Vegas. It's finally Spring Break, and this time the Griswolds are going on a week-long trip to Hawaii…

On the last night until Spring Break, Rusty and Audrey were up in their rooms, Rusty reading the latest issue of _Mad _and Audrey on the phone with her boyfriend for hours on end. Ellen was in the living room, knitting a new scarf for her daughter to wear (even though Audrey had no taste for these embarrassing things). Clark finally came home from work, later than usually. After he took off his light brown coat and grey hat, Ellen asked him, "Why are you so late tonight? This has been for this whole week and every night, you give the same lame excuse, 'It's a secret'." He set down his briefcase and walked into the nearby living room and sat down next to her, to reply, "I'll tell you know since you seem anxious to know what I've been up to these recent evenings. I've been discussing with my boss a special promotion from him to us, boasting first-class round-trip tickets to the big island and deluxe hotel accommodations. Excited?" He was anxiously waiting for her face to light up, but there was just a plain expression sitting there like a boulder. "Clark, has it ever occurred to you that our vacations are really, how do I put it, special?" "Yes, they are extremely special!" Clark isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, so sometimes it's hard to discuss serious subjects with him. "Yes, they are certainly special, but I'm concerned that one of these days, these vacations are going end up creating serious damage." He finally saw where this was going, so he tried to make light of the idea. "Honey, I know sometimes that these vacations are a pain in the butt, but why should this get in our way? This year, we'll have a quality Griswold family vacation, in Hawaii!" She finally started to smile and embraced him closely, "Oh, Clark, you're always trying to say the nicest things, but they somehow come out always the worst!" They kiss briefly, but the big question comes up, "How are we going to explain this to the kids? They were practically _terrified_ of our last vacation!"

They gathered the children in the living room, as if they were about to chew somebody out. Clark looked the kids straight in the eye and declared, "For this year's Griswold family vacation, we are going to Hawaii during Spring Break." Rusty and Audrey rolled their eyes because they knew that at least one hundred things are going to go wrong during this vacation. They also knew that Clark's feelings are very sensitive, so they pretended to be excited. Audrey exclaimed, "Oh my god Dad, you're the best! How did you pull this out of the budget?" He calmly replied, "It doesn't matter sweetie." He had a big smile on his face, but behind him his hand was trembling and skimming his wallet to see at least how much cash he had on him. Rusty was sarcastically jumping for joy and yelling "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" Audrey quickly grabbed him by the wrist and slapped him across the face, whispering, "What the Hell are you doing? They obviously see it's sarcasm and take it that you're trying to mock them!" He faintly whispered back, "Ok," and sat on the couch, trying to look business-like. "I look forward to spending time with you, Mr. and Mrs. Griswold." Audrey rolled her eyes and thought, _Rusty, can't you ever be casual when it's the right thing to do? Sometimes you need to grow up… _Ellen put her hand around Clark's shoulder, and said, "It's so nice of you to provide us with all these vacations, just right on time when we need them." He smiled, but then she added a depressing statement, "Speaking of right on time, since we're going on short notice, you're going to have to do some chores." The last word echoed in his head, knowing he's going to pay the price. "Can I at least do it tomorrow?" She rolled her eyes, and replied, "Yes, you can do it tomorrow."


End file.
